Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
