If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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