i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
