I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
