I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
