i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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