Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
