I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
