Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
