JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
