just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
