i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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