I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
