ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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