Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
