you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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