i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
