no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
