True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
