apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
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just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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