So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize