Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
