just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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