I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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