oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
