I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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