Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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