just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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