Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
