This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
