roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Semen is not good for contacts.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize