My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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