After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
