I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
