Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
