It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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