We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
