Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
