I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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