so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
