Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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