so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I cannot find my penis.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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