I wanna passion pit in your ass
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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