I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
