And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just blew my weed a kiss
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need to sanitize my soul.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
