Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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