He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
