she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
