oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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