she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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