after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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