Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
