My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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