well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
