I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
