Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
