Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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