just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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