Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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