Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Operation Purity has been aborted
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
