part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
