I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
