thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
