She's JV to your varsity
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
