If i come over, it means nothing
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
