based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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