Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
