He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
