I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
