Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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