He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
