They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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