..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
