i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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