barbara walters just said penis...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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