She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
